People come in and out of our lives every day. Sometimes, we are lucky enough to share just minutes with special people; significant minutes that carry over into other aspects of our lives, making their impact more powerful by the simple fact of their existence. Several weeks ago, Detroit lost one of those special people, a man more authentic and powerful than I ever realized when he was just a phone call away.
I met Mike Fezzey when he was at WJR, and I was often at the station. Our relationship carried over to Huntington Bank and through various non-profit boards. We fished and hung out, and I cherish those moments we spent together.
The last time I saw him, we sat in the Huntington Bank headquarters. He was telling a typical Fezzey story, full of laughter and lessons and we both welled up by the time he finished. As always, we hugged good-bye, not the typical bro hug, but a real embrace (without patting and thumping each other like men do). I had no idea this would be the last time I would hang alone with Mike. But I have no regret in realizing it was our last minute together. That’s the thing about Mike Fezzey, every minute counted.
Mike was a man with a formula for life, one from which we can all learn and grow. The Fezzey Formula (“FF”) was developed over a lifetime, and it goes like this:
FF1 – Recognize that a matter of minutes can change everything in your life.
Through our brief, yet meaningful interactions, Mike showed me how to be utterly present in a moment. We all know about “busy” people, the ones too busy to make eye contact as they shake your hand in passing. That is the exact opposite of Mike. He knew that if one minute was all he had, he was going to give it his all.
FF2 – There is strength in humility and admitting when you’re wrong.
Mike once told me a story from his grade school experience. He considered it one of those minutes that taught him who he wanted to be. Mike had a teacher he idolized. Mr. R upheld the characteristics of what Mike thought a man should be: honest, motivational, humble, confident and strong. One day, through a series of unfortunate events, Mike found himself at the receiving end of a paddling in Mr. R’s class. Humiliated and heartbroken, Mike confronted Mr. R in the hall, explaining that he was wrongly accused and how disappointed he was that Mr. R had struck first and asked questions later. And then an amazing thing happened: Mr. R took Mike by the hand and led him back into the classroom where he apologized to Mike for his error and offered him the paddle. Mr. R, in that minute, showed Mike another facet of what it takes to be a man: humility and the power in admitting you made a mistake.
FF3 – Be kind to people; notice and acknowledge what makes them special.
When I decided to try my hand at public speaking, Mike could not have been more supportive. He told me how he admired my spirit, loved my message and could feel how my energy would motivate people and help them hit their targets. He was so specific and sincere; his words were more than kindness, they felt like love.
FF4 – Be authentic and remember not to leave things unsaid.
No one would ever doubt that Mike loved his family. His wife Suzy (his beshert as we say in Hebrew), his children: Peter, Jesse, and Sam, meant the world to him. Years ago, in the wake of a heart attack, Mike thought of nothing but the things he could do to make sure he had more time with them. Mike viewed that incident as a wake-up call: he changed his diet, exercised and lost weight because, in that minute, he knew his family was truly the one thing that mattered most.
What can we learn from the Fezzey Formula? I don’t know about you, but I learn more from it every minute that passes in my life. Mike made a mark on my life that will not be erased. While I miss his physical presence, I feel his spirit often. Sometimes as I cast a line, sometimes when I tune into WJR, sometimes when I think of Northern Michigan, and sometimes when it feels hard to hold it together in a meeting or a moment of frustration at home.
Mike was taken from us without notice and my heart goes out to his family, who I’m sure have tallied the minutes and determined they were not enough. But I know for certain that the minutes that Mike gave eclipsed the hours of others. While I know there won’t be any hugs or fishing soon, it is nearly certain at some point I will wet a line and crack a beer with Mike in that great fishing boat in the sky. Best of all, the Fezzey Formula lives on and offers us the possibility to make meaningful progress in each minute of our lives.
